EARWORMS
earworms at the ica
Dear Fertilisers,
Thank you to everyone who came last week to Earworms, our listening-reading-writing circle with the ICA and the ICA Bookshop. Was lovely to see so many faces after such a long time.
Earworms is a listening circle/write-in, and a collaboration between the ICA Bookstore and Worms Magazine – a biannual literary style magazine that celebrates female and non-binary writer culture. Using sound as a central point of departure, Earworms aims to use writing and listening as a community tool and encourages attendees to experiment with free-form, non-restrictive writing practises. These events will consist of an evening of immersive recorded music, writing and open-mic readings.
Here are some of the pieces that you sent in. Listen to the Ear Worms podcast as you scroll for a taste of what our evening sounded like clicking here.
By Oli Mardon (@olimardon)
Pierce Eldridge reading. Recording of performance available to watch here. Full text below.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on the response my body often feels in moments of bliss, how tender and sensitive it becomes. And whilst that is a really rewarding feeling, I also feel very fragile in that state. Breakable and also irreparable. The sensitivity of my spirit has been showing me that I’m un-working a lot of fragility from my youth, I think being wildly expressive as a child to being suppressed and suffocated by expectation surrounding me through middle school teens, has inevitably left with an emotional methodology that suggests ‘when things are good, I should be nervous or withhold my glee.’ It's something I’m fidgeting with and I believe is directly related to the straddling and strangling of my organs. So.. I’ve been letting more joy into my responses. Less comparative and anxious reasoning is being caught in pivotal moments to thus be rethought into affirmation of safety, security, and sanctuary. Needless to say, it’s been very emotional to unlock this. The simplest of things can often destroy me, how much heteronormativity rattles me — knowing I cannot, or simply have never felt, safe in public spaces under the pressure of its cultural dominance. I was walking home just the other day and saw a beautiful couple, white upper class (from my stipulation of their fashion choices), softly kissing one another; very openly and earnestly. Usually I'd spout in my head some sort of hilarious 'SCUM' hyperbole, making Solanas proud, but this time it just broke me. I started sobbing and it was hilarious cause they looked at me just standing near them crying and were like, 'ahh, you okay buddy?'. I quickly zoomed off home.
I’m sitting with the practice of craniosacral therapy Amber has given me and I'll continue to experiment with the ways I sense and feel my bodily fluids cascading through me. I’m feeling a renewed sense of connection to breath and have been working with that whilst allowing myself to be available to the other sensory feelings emerging that I feel are fluids, but also might be my nervous system tingling. All of this has been non-judgemental work, and I’m pouring attention into my kidneys with the gentle awareness Amber has emphasised. I send her a message about guiding questions that I might use to better settle into the beginning moments of engaging with this practice; the things I can think toward when beginning the process, and ask her if she suggests I continue to fidget with where the mind wanders until my attention becomes gentle in its awareness. My current sensory feeling explorations have been generally 1-2 hours each day.
Some general knowledge she told me was the left side of the kidneys are responsible for cooling and fluids, the right heat and emotions. Interesting to think about the different purposes of each side, I have in fact been feeling overheated regularly, which could suggest my left kidneys aren't cooling properly. She tells me the left side is feminine and I wonder if that's a sign to detransition (lol), but also I can't be on any meds at the moment so I haven't been taking them. I keep flopping around with this. Anyway, even in the cool we are having here my body is very warm, flushed. I have to say, maybe once or twice a day I have also been feeling a sharp pain above my belly button, deep within my body. A tingling that emerges like a burst of lightning and then disappears. It's cool to think about a storm brewing inside of me, the outside I reckon is all anarchy. 2023, the year of post-sissy faggotry.
By Arcadia Molinas
Stay tuned for our next Earworms date and see you soon.
Happy Fertilising!
